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~ Funny Humorous Poems ~

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~ Funny Humorous Poems - From The Medicine Chest ~


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HYMN TO THE BELLY
by Ben Jonson

Room! room! make room for the bouncing Belly,
First father of sauce and deviser of jelly;
Prime master of arts and the giver of wit,
That found out the excellent engine, the spit,
The plough and the flail, the mill and the hopper,
The hutch and the boulter, the furnace and copper,
The oven, the bavin, the mawkin, the peel,
The hearth and the range, the dog and the wheel.
He, he first invented the hogshead and tun,
The gimlet and vice too, and taught 'em to run;
And since, with the funnel and hippocras bag,
He's made of himself that now he cries swag;
Which shows, though the pleasure be but of four inches,
Yet he is a weasel, the gullet that pinches
Of any delight, and not spares from his back
Whatever to make of the belly a sack.
Hail, hail, plump paunch! O the founder of taste,
For fresh meats or powdered, or pickle or paste!
Devourer of broiled, baked, roasted or sod!
And emptier of cups, be they even or odd!
All which have now made thee so wide i' the waist,
As scarce with no pudding thou art to be laced;
But eating and drinking until thou dost nod,
Thou break'st all thy girdles and break'st forth a god.


~ Funny Humorous Poems ~


TABLE MANNERS
by Gelett Burgess

The Goops they lick their fingers,
And the Goops they lick their knives;
They spill their broth on the tablecloth--
Oh, they lead disgusting lives!
The Goops they talk while eating,
And loud and fast they chew;
And that is why I'm glad that I
Am not a Goop--are you?


~ Funny Humorous Poems ~


THE PURPLE COW
by Gelett Burgess

NEVER saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.


~ Funny Humorous Poems ~


THE PLATYPUS
by Oliver Herford

My child, the Duck-billed Platypus
A sad example sets for us:
From him we learn how Indecision
Of character provokes Derision.
This vacillating Thing, you see,
Could not decide which he would be,
Fish, Flesh or Fowl, and chose all three.
The scientists were sorely vexed
To classify him; so perplexed
Their brains, that they, with Rage at bay,
Called him a horrid name one day,--
A name that baffles, frights and shocks us,
Ornithorhynchus Paradoxus.


~ Funny Humorous Poems ~


THE SEA
By Eva L. Ogden
 
SHE was rich and of high degree;   
A poor and unknown artist he.   
“Paint me,” she said, “a view of the sea.”   
 
So he painted the sea as it looked the day   
That Aphroditè arose from its spray;           
And it broke, as she gazed on its face the while,   
Into its countless-dimpled smile.   
“What a poky, stupid picture!” said she:   
“I don’t believe he can paint the sea!”   
 
Then he painted a raging, tossing sea,           
Storming, with fierce and sudden shock,   
A towering, mighty fastness-rock;
In its sides, above those leaping crests,   
The thronging sea-birds built their nests.   
“What a disagreeable daub!” said she:           
“Why, it isn’t anything like the sea!”   
 
Then he painted a stretch of hot brown sand,   
With a big hotel on either hand,   
And a handsome pavilion for the band;   
Not a sign of water to be seen,           
Except one faint little streak of green.   
“What a perfectly exquisite picture!” said she:   
“It ’s the very image of the sea!”



Funny Humorous Poems - From The Medicine Chest ~


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