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~ Funny Humorous Quotes ~

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~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news ~ Bertolt Brecht

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? ~ Phyllis Diller

How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? ~ Nigel Rees

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven ~ Spike Milligan

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand ~ Emo Philips

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific ~ Lily Tomlin

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens ~ Woody Allen
 
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included ~ Steven Wright

I can resist everything except temptation ~ Oscar Wilde



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



I can speak Esperanto like a native ~ Spike Milligan

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host ~ David Letterman
 
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food ~ W. C. Fields

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty ~ Imelda Marcos

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying ~ Woody Allen

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either ~ Jack Benny
 
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap ~ Fred Allen

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me ~ Stephen Fry
 
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead ~ Samuel Goldwyn

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle ~ Mitch Hedberg



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



I failed to make the chess team because of my height ~ Woody Allen

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day ~ Frank Sinatra
 
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people ~ Rodney Dangerfield
 
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
 
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time ~ Charles M. Schulz
 
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me ~ Dylan Moran

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there ~ Fred Allen

I have never been hurt by what I have not said ~ Calvin Coolidge

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three ~ Elayne Boosler

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes ~ W.C. Fields



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~


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Definition of Funny / Humorous...Wikipedia

Definition of Funny / Humorous...The Free Dictionary

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