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~ Funny Humorous Quotes ~

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~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own ~ Les Dawson

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants ~ Dave Beard

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry ~ Norman Wisdom

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing ~ Johnny Carson

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend ~ Emo Philips

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me ~ Woody Allen

I wasn't kissing her, I was just whispering in her mouth ~ Chico Marx

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down ~ Mitch Hedberg
 
I wish I had the nerve not to tip ~ Paul Lynde

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong ~ Bertrand Russell



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair ~ Bette Davis

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room ~ Mercedes McCambridge
 
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor ~ Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets ~ Mel Brooks

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner ~ Tallulah Bankhead
 
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners ~ Johnny Carson
 
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? ~ Robin Williams
 
If laughter never hurt anyone, how come my belly aches? ~ Michael Sage

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job ~ Woody Allen

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? ~ Steven Wright



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? ~ Lily Tomlin
 
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three ~ Laurence J. Peter

If you are not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no chequebook ~ Les Giblin

If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names ~ Elbert Hubbard

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! ~ Demetri Martin
 
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer ~ Rob Cordry

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age ~ George Burns
 
If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth ~ Logan P. Smith

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late ~ Henny Youngman
 
If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you ~ Paul Newman



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~


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Definition of Funny / Humorous...Wikipedia

Definition of Funny / Humorous...The Free Dictionary

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