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~ Funny Humorous Quotes ~

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~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die ~ Lenny Bruce

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you ~ Ogden Nash

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative ~ Henry A. Kissinger

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem ~ Bill Vaughan
 
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger ~ Billy Connolly

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them ~ Mitch Hedberg

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic ~ Spike Milligan

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings ~ Jay London
 
My life needs editing ~ Mort Sahl



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra ~ Angie Dickinson
 
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else ~ Woody Allen

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare ~ Mike Myers

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? ~ Margaret Smith
 
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe ~ Jimmy Durante
 
Never fight an inanimate object ~ P. J. O'Rourke

Never have more children than you have car windows ~ Erma Bombeck
 
Never put a sock in a toaster ~ Eddie Izzard

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected ~ Robert Orben

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman ~ Honore de Balzac



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~



Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public ~ H. L. Mencken
 
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash ~ Jerry Seinfeld

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet ~ Saint Augustine
 
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get ~ Robert Orben
 
One picture is worth 1,000 denials ~ Ronald Reagan

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former ~ Albert Einstein

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it ~ Laurence J. Peter
 
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children ~ Samuel Butler

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish ~ Chevy Chase

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant ~ Ellen DeGeneres



~ Funny Humorous Quotes - Is Laughter A Medicine? ~


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Definition of Funny / Humorous...Wikipedia

Definition of Funny / Humorous...The Free Dictionary

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