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~ Woody Allen Quotes ~

A Genius in Quirky Humor

(Woody Allen Quotes)

Allen Stewart Konigsberg - December 1, 1935

Born -  Bronx - New York

Died - Beverly Hills, California


  • Mother - Nettie
  • Father - Martin Konigsberg
  • Wives - Harlene Susan Rosen (1956–1962)
     Louise Lasser (1966–1970)
     Soon-Yi Previn (m. 1997)
  • Sister - Lettie
  • Sons - Ronan Farrow & Moses Farrow
  • Daughters - Dylan O'Sullivan Farrow, Bechet Allen & Manzie Tio Allen

~ Woody Allen Quotes ~

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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on ~ Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats ~ Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night ~ Woody Allen

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens ~ Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up ~ Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it ~ Woody Allen

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there ~ Woody Allen

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian ~ Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy ~ Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? ~ Woody Allen

~ Woody Allen Quotes ~

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? ~ Woody Allen

I am at two with nature ~ Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose ~ Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government ~ Woody Allen

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland ~ Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear ~ Woody Allen

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib ~ Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying ~ Woody Allen

I failed to make the chess team because of my height ~ Woody Allen

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers ~ Woody Allen

~ Woody Allen Quotes ~

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys ~ Woody Allen

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! ~ Woody Allen

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice ~ Woody Allen

I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia ~ Woody Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox ~ Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me ~ Woody Allen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded ~ Woody Allen

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse ~ Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever ~ Woody Allen

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right ~ Woody Allen

~ Woody Allen Quotes ~

Woody Allen Biography.....Wikipedia

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